♥ Been depressed.
And NO, I'm not being all emo. Gah.
Reason[s] for my depression? Gee. I really don' know. And it's not just depression... It's also stress. And maybe I really feel... WRONG. I don't know...
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[Written last January 3]
I didn't get any sleep last night. Well, I did sleep yet, when I woke up, I still felt very feverish and my mind was still spinning.
I HATE IT WHEN BOYS MESS WITH MY MIND.
Last night, I felt I was "hotseat" -ed by Ihsa. WHOA. I was bombarded with questions I had a hard time answering. The questions were confusing... AND I WAS CONFUSED WITH MY ANSWERS.
I was actually okay with what Ihsa was asking me for. AND YET, it made me thinking. That very incident[hotseat thingy] made me thinking. It totally made me dig deep into myself for THE RIGHT AND TRUE ANSWERS. I was greatly flooded with questions that I should really be answering.
IT SUCKS.
I didn't want to make a decision which would "save" my own skin and harm others. I would rather make a decision that would hurt me instead.
But making decisions SUCk... and I HATE IT.
Then there's this issue with LIAM. This boy is haunting me even/ especially in my sleep. I miss him a lot and I "want" him, though I also feel that I don't want to. T_T
Another issue is with Lawrence. I can feel him caring and that's really nice. I'm not sure if he's really like that or that there's something else. But I'm not interested if ever there IS something else...
And I feel guilty and depressed for him and for myself.
Yes, I am depressed, AGAIN... And I'm stressed out. Maybe this is a reason why I am so delayed. HAH. I'M NOT PREGNANT. :p
And because I'm so depressed and hot-headed today, i even had a "little" argument[?!] with Dan.
DAN. I pity the fellow now. Aww. He's been a target for my raging temper nowadays. I don't even know why I've been soooo mean to him. I haven't been such a good friend towards him. Tsk tsk. HOW COME? Well, I have always turned down his invitations to hang out together. I have teased him a lot[though he acts unaffected - and claims to be]. And other things.. Aww. Why am I doing this to Danny boy?! Poor kiddo.
WAAAH. THIS IS TEARING ME APART.
Uh, no...
THESE ARE TEARING ME APART.
Although, I'm feeling quite okay again. Yay. WHY? Cos I'm listening to Typecast. BOO YAH.
Later. Kisses.
Rachel.
♥
♥ Happy birthday Loren. ^_^
Happy second anniversary to my vegetarianism. [December 15, 2006]
Christmas is near and yet, I cannot feel its presence. HOW COME?! Well as all of you know[or maybe not.], the Philippines was hit by not just one typhoon but by three[Milenyo, Reming and Senyang]. The Philippines was greatly devastated by Reming... Especially those in the Bicol region. It's sad that they would be spending Christmas without a home, without their properties and without their loved ones because many died in the said calamity.
Let us all pray for them.
Moving on...
Well, i am moving on with my life because I'm starting to focus on my studies... Again. Thank God I've managed to have a motivation. I've wanted to focus on my studies for a long time but it's just this last semester that I've really managed to do it. It actually seems that my life is going great right now. i'm trying to correct my mistakes and I'm standing up again.
IT FEELS GREAT.
And what's greater is that I've already told a certain guy what I REALLY feel about him. Yes, Timothy John Alonzo Pasicolan knows. I just hope he accepted it whole-heartedly. Well, thanks anyway because I know he did. That confession actually relieved me. THANK YOU.
Then I have a strong relationship with my friends.
BUT right now, we're all falling apart. I HATE IT. I love my friends. i love them SO EFFING MUCH. But it's about our being individuals that we hate. There are certain attitudes which really piss each other off. I know i have those too. I admit that sometimes i have hurt my friends, offended them, annoyed or blaaah, just freaking did something wrong to them. Maybe not just SOMETIMES, but maybe a lot of times. Yes, i have personality problems and I need attitude adjustments... a lot of them, actually.
Well, i would want to continue the discussion of the issue but it makes me feel weird and emotional inside. IT EVEN MAKES ME DEPRESSED.
Maybe I should say SORRY. But the thing is...
Later days kiddos... or till WE sort things out.
Rachel.
♥
♥ I'm in a computer shop right. The Black Shop. Anyway.
Shiznit like arses on a candy cotton stick.
WTF. I'm freaking retarded right now.
ANYWAAAAY. The title is so fucking right.
My obsession for black roses is quite diminishing right now. I want them before but now I'm all "Uh, they sorta suck right now."
People know I hate mainstream things... Yep, MAINSTREAM slash pop culture whatchamacallit.
And yes, I am hating the world again. WHY?! Cos it's so full of trends and stupid people and i hate it. I wanna say that I wanna be different or that I am different but how can i say it if being different is such a trend nowdays. AMF. And now I feel that I'm losing myself so I try to reminisce my old self with the "fuck all of you" attitude. Dammit. Why am I such a good girl now?!
And yes, my entry is going nowhere again. it's discussing different issues and ideas in one paragraph. ALAVEEEET{I love it}.
Back to mah rant.
It's not just with fucking trends. It's also with fucking wannabes and socialites. You know I hate them right?! And if you freaking get offended with this freaking blog entry, then I'm sorry. Wait?! Why am i even saying sorry?? This is my territory and these are my thoughts so don't effing confront me or be angry with me cos this is what I really feel. And dammit. I always say this when i'm typing in a blog entry.
ANOTHER ISSUE.
Friendships. Friends... FRIENDS?! Yep, I've got issues with my friends. I even think that I'm beginning to lose some of them. And I'm even "bitter" because of a... Hah, I don't even know. Blaaaah. Whatever.
I may wanna continue this entry but I'm already bored. Maybe next time... When my computer is fixed and when my internet is back... And when I'm back to my old self.
Keep hating, bitches.
Rachel.
♥
♥ It's a Sunday and it's time to update. Okay?!
My life is so fcuking dramatic. It's like one of those drama series you watch on the tube...Maybe worse and much much more dramatic. *SIGH*
It's been a total pain for my mum and bro, my aunt, uncle and cousins and especially to myself. Dammit. Why is life so fucking unfair?! My mum's been one of the nicest persons this world has seen and still she gets the worst treatment ever.
Anyway, I just wanted to put some of my stress here...sorry for the unfinished and stupid rant. BOW.
Love you all. Till next time, later days.
Rachel.
♥
♥ Well, it's a saturday and might I tell you that I'm freaking happy today...and I guess yesterday?! Well, not entirely.
Yesterday was *dan-dan-dan-DAAAAN* card giving-slash-parent-teacher conference day. I got low grades in Trigonometry *sucks* and Physics. Well, I expected my Physics grade to be a line of 7 but it turned out to be a line of 8. WOO?!
It wasn't really that dreadful cos I got a 97.0 in Literature !! Hell yea. And due to the fact that I really enjoyed my friday. Maybe because I'm just with my friends and such. Wow. Our group has a really strong bond and I'm really seeing and realising it. Like WOW.
ANYWAY. My brother picked up my card and I had to treat him since I promised him and since he picked up my card. I pity him. LOL
After that, my bro went home and I stayed at school[even if bro was insisting me to go home too] for a little while cos I waited for my friends. Then we all went out. First stop: INDIOS GRILL !! We were supposed to eat SISIG but there were only two plates left so we just let Ihsa and Henry get it...and maybe because I won't eat it too cos I'm a vegetarian. So we ate and had fun chatting around. When we were goind down the stairs[it's located at the third floor], my friends told me that *ahem ahem* Tim's at Bean Hub[a cafe on the second floor] with a girl...Jhen. OUCH?! Well, I guess so...Of course I would be. I know I'm pushing him away, but still I liked [and maybe still like] him. Hmm...
ANYWAAAAY. After that little incident, we all went to Area 51. WOO. We always hang out there. But I was left there and I went home at about 8pm. Reason why I was left there?! Well, of course all my friends left and I was having fun surfing the internet and talking on YM. Yay. I had fun. :D
Before I even continue my entry, I gotta cut it short. I need to get home, okay? BYE.
Love you all. MUAH
Rachel.♥
♥ Have you noticed it?! Well, I bet you have
I've got a new layout, stupid !!
Yep, I sure do...and I'm quite in love with it. WHY?! Cos it's fucking hawt. Yes it is. A bit gerrly, but who the fuck cares, right?! I just love it. *grins*
ANYWAAAAAY.
I know you miss my Miggy Chavez "Soopafly: Creature of the Night" layout so I'm gonna post the header image for all of you to steal. lol
Sorry if it doesn't quite fit. Forgive my insolence.
Anyway, I'm happy with my new layout even tho it's uber simple. I don't care. I like it this way. The simplest form of html and css thingies. WEE.
So yea...I've got nothing else to say but...ADMIRE THIS AND LEAVE A TAG AND I'LL FUCKING LOVE YOU FOREVER !!
Uh yea. I'm quite bored, problematic and still downright tragic. Though everything's kewl. Everything's still quite nice and in shape. Well, not in shape. Friendships and bonds are getting stronger and I'm having fun while whoring. YAY me. LMFAO.
So bye and sorry if I wasted your time. And forgive me for some typos. I didn't proofread my entry.
MUAH.
Rachel.
♥
♥Last week, I turned sixteen. Yes, it's fucking official, folks...I'm 6teen and I'm L-O-V-E-ing it !!
0827. It was a Sunday[Dimanche]. It wasn't the perfect, NO. Not perfect cos nothing in this world is perfect...It wasn't the most pleasant day ever. There were arguments, unlikely words and fights flying over my house. But I didn't care. Mum didn't have any intention of giving out a party or celebrating with lots of food. I didn't mind. Besides, partying would be just a waste of time, money and energy...so why the hell bother, right?! Anyway, I just felt special on that day and I feel that it's been one of the greatest days of my life. HOW COME?! Well, mum and my brother[!!] greeted me sweetly, casually and sincerely and I felt something strong through their words. It made me feel good. Moreover, I'm touched that a lot of people greeted me thru the internet and those Globe users out there...I'm so touched that some of you sacrificed your extra prepaid just to greet me. It made me smile and it made me really happy on that day. Thank you so much. Even though there were no gifts, I didn't mind. In fact, I don't really care about gifts. I'm not materialistic. I can even go on a day without money or a cellphone. Well, not in school, mind you. haha.
All I needed was a little lovin' and I'm good to go !! Yay me. :]
But I'm not here to talk bout me as a sweet sixteen girlie, whatever that is. Actually, I'm not here to talk about something. I just wanna type cos I'm in the mood even if it's quite late. I don't care !! WOO.
See, that's what's wrong with me. I'm quite[?!] rebellious. It doesn't quite seem at school cos I somewhat abide by some rules but deep down, I can be the meanest, bitchy-est lil gangsturr yar gonna meet. I'm downright hard-headed and stubborn. I even fight with my mum cos of this. Gawrsh, I hate being TOO opinionated cos I cause mayhem and havoc. I can't stop, I even think like I'm acting like Ramon. OH NO !!
Anyway, I need an attitude adjustment...like NOW. Help me, will ya?!
Okay, gotta go...I feel there will be flying slippers and an uncontrolled tongue coming. Au revoir my darlings.
I fcuking love you all. Kisses to all.
Rachel. ♥
♥
And I bare all...
The past few months have been really hellish. I've been leaving abstract entries for you to decode, Well, sorry for that. But now I bare all.
THE FAMILY.
Well, my mum's been away for at least a few weeks and I've stayed with my aunt while she was away. It was quite nice because I was taken good care of but problems really poured in. My dad had followed my mum and he terrorised her. What decency, right?! *rolls eyes*
Anyway...you get the picture right?!
...Or not.
So my mum had enough of days of terrorism so she finally went to the police and said that she doesn't want to live with Ramon['dad'] anymore. WOO PAR-TAY !! Okaaaaay. But before further rejoicing, my dad went back to Caloocan looking all gloomy and tragic and asked my mum to be together again and start a new life. Bullshit. When my mum told me this I was like "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! WOULD YOU BELIEVE COW CRAP LIKE THAT?! HE SAID THAT BEFORE AND WHAT DID HE DO WHEN HE GOT YOUR TRUST AGAIN, HUH?! HE CONTINUED ON RUINING YOUR LIFE AND OURS !!"
Overreaction?! Don't think so. How come? Well first of all, my dad's a fucking liar and he always breaks promises. Secondly, Ramon's a fucking lunatic. Yes, I'm not afraid to tell you all that he's insane, literally. He's been to rehab due to excessive alcohol which led to mental damage, high blood pressure, liver problems, and a serious case of diabetes. Thirdly, which would prolly be the last reason that I'll give for now, he's dying for attention and wants somebody else to buy him his beloved alcohol. Wow he amazes me. NOT.
Anyway, my mum then unexpectedly went home and decided to stay here. Meaning she left her business and both my parents are now sitting at home and waiting for miracles to come. Haaay. And that also means that we are consuming money without any other money coming back to us. Oh what jooooooy. Damn, I'm so sarcastic, I'm so mean and I'm so fuuuucking passive. I love it.
ANYWAAAAY.
So basically that's the whole deal. Well, not exactly. A lot is still happening right now cos well, Ramon's really a freaking pain in the butt. A lifelong suffering.
THE END.
It's too long. Eventually, you'll get all the info sooner or later. I'm tired of typing this crap, although I wanna share it. I'm just bored. GAH. Besides, there are other things that are happening to me right now. WOO.
SCHOOL.
Well, school's fine I guess. Though I sorta feel I'm gonna flunk in Physics. Dammit. I really hate Math and Physics is full of Math. Plus I've got three Mathematic subjects going this year: Trigonometry, Statistics, and Calculus. Though they only last a semester. Thank God. But heck, those are THREE Math subjects which will make your head spin.
Even though I go gaga over these subjects, I still have my aces on Literature and Social Studies. WOO. I just hope I get good greades...Hopefully no line of 7's and red marks. *crosses fingers*
Also, there have been Citizenship Advancement Training or CAT. I love CAT even if I always fall out from the platoon cos of my left arm. *remembers that soocer accident last year* and I usually hyperventilate when I feel I'm too surrounded by people or when I get too tired from running or other field work and etc !!
FRIENDS AND...UH, LOVE.
Finally, I've moved on !! *dances*
Well, not fully. And I don't think that 'moving on' is the right phrase.
I still do like to see him and I still care but not so much. And I'm trying to push it away. Besides, there's someone else. HAHA WHORE.
Yep. I've been such a whore during these times. And I loooooooove it like fcuk. WHY?! Cos I told myself that since I'm a senior student[graduating], I should make the most out of it and look at other guys whom I happen to just ignore or pass by. But I guess, there's this one guy who really caught my attention and I'm totally being all creepy again...You know, girly and giggly and such. Oh hell, the miracles and stupidity of crushes. lmfao.
But don't get me wrong. Just because I'm 'whoring' doesn't mean I'm flirting with guys. Heck no. I just like 'fantasizing' and see a lot of guys as yummy and fun to bite. WOOT.
Anyway, I don't care what you may think. At least I'm having fun and I'm beginning to smile because of a certain somebody. Oh yea, I won't publicize him yet. There are some who know and I trust them cos I know they won't tell. And sorry if you're quite bothered by who that is. I know he's not all that but he gives me this nice feeling. He's not the cutest guy on school but heck, there's more to looks. He's got this arrogance which I really really like and it drives me insane. Also, he's quite in touch with his femininity and he's just fucking cool. Plus Reg said he's got a nice butt. ROFL. Well, he actually has a nice butt. He's sexy. :]
I'll just give you a clue. He's younger...in age. I won't necessarily tell you if he's a batch younger or someone from my batch cos some guys in my batch are younger than I am. So yea...keep guessing. I just hope we get to know each other. WEE. That would be freaking fun. YAY YAY. *overly expecting something*
ANYWAAAAAAAY. Nuff bout the boy talk. It makes my head spin. Cos somehow, I still believe that BOYS SUCK !! Hah.
Change topic.
I've got nothing more to say. Well I had a while ago but now the thoughts just vanished. I guess I'l tell you loads when I get back.
Oh yea, please pray for me. Let's all hope against hope that things would be fine. And those who know who that guy is, SHUT UP !! Thank you.
Love you all. MUAH. Sincere.
Rachel.
♥
